Granpa MC’s Dirty Diaper Derby
This past week Granpa Cratchet visited Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania where he was MC for the Diaper Derby. Contestants had to still be wearing diapers and crawling. The babies were placed on a matt and the first to crawl six feet across the line won a box of diapers.
One contestant became suspect when that diaper clad male sported a five o’clock shadow. The 36 year old man was hauled off by local police while screaming for his mommy and was booked for impersonating a cry baby.
Derby officials fled the scene amid accusations the diaper derby was dirty when a woman wearing a diaper, lipstick and a wedding ring crossed the finish line in under five seconds. The derby committee sited the short supply and high demand for diapers as the main culprit in the race fixing debacle.
This year one baby boy was disqualified when they discovered a jet pack strapped to his back. He crossed the finish line in record time, broke glass in the town bell tower with a sonic boom and was later discovered in a neighboring county. After smoke cleared the mother was forced to return the diaper winnings.
Parents were not allowed to pinch, push, poke or prod their baby or coax their baby toward the finish line using any ill-legal substance. Parents used bottles, cheerios,
chocolate, stuffed toys and pictures of relatives. One mother tried to fix the race by spraying W-D 40 in front of her baby and starting him off with a shuffleboard stick.
The derby committee, in an attempt to satisfy the growing demands of success driven parents, are considering a special derby heat involving a five gallon bucket of Vaseline and high pressure air hoses.
This is roving corespondent Nelda Barnfarthy reporting from Punxsutawney, PA.
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Download the article here: Dirty Diaper Dirby pdf
Sam is a businessman, writer, entertainer, speaker, husband, father to six children, grandfather and great grandfather. Sam graduated from Huntington University with a B.A. in phychology and drama and pursued a degree in Broadcasting from Illinois Central College with graduate level studies at Christian Leadership University. Sam is the creator of Granpa Cratchet, one of the most successful touring shows in the history of the live events industry. Millions of people see Granpa every year all across the United States at fairs and festivals. His characters have appeared on every major network: Good Morning America, Entertainment Tonight, The Today Show (4 times). Sam and his characters have made over 500 local appearances and on all the major networks; NBC, CBS, ABC, ESPN, PBN, The LeSea Network, The PTL Network and Praise the Lord. They currently appear all around the world every week on YouTube and Facebook, and on several satellite networks via the Kidz Television Network and The Captain Hook (children's) Show.